7 posts tagged “depression”

now let's look at this hypothetical situation....a man needs to buy a house, he procures money for it, buy's it, and lives in it.

the man had been motivated to make the money by the prospect of living in his own, nice house. this is a brilliant thing and should be praised and commended because this leads to the development and strengthening of the man and his confidence in himself...

so nine inch nails are coming for their last concert to singapore in august....befor ethe y go on indefinite hiatus....

i did some calculations, it should cost me max 15,000 for the trip, going, coming, the concert ticket, everything...

i talked to my parent's, asked them if they could help me, they seemed skeptical, i thought "maybe they don't want to spend 15,000 on something i want and they don't understand the importance of, alright"

i gave them an option, that I'll work hard the two months that im in Gwalior tutoring kids (a firend of mine is teaching C++ and earning about 4K a month) also i ahve some savings...told them i should be able to afford it myself.

now comes the strange part, they said 'no'.

my parent's, choose to suppress my aspirations, because they think that "it's reckless to be going to another country for just a concert, and a waste of money"

who's money? their money? or my money? why would i ever want to make money except for myself? do i have a wife and kids to support? would the money have been made if i didn't want to spend on myself?

a selfish act committed for the sole reason of fulfilling one's personal wishes is always condemned by everyone....

a 'house' is justified for some reason becasue it's something every man should be working towards, because it's the decent thing to do...and provides shelter to your family...

but a 'concert' is suddenly a pretty horrible thing to do....because it's a large sum of money, not spent on anything your parent's can tell their friends about...nobody wants to tell their friends "my son saved money to go to singapore for a concert for one day and come back the next"

i'd have been proud of my son if he ever told me that he's going to work his ass off to make so much money to go see a concert he wanted....

i have never been more disappointed with anybody.....and they've totally changed my view about them tonight.

i was very driven in my head for a few moments about the work...until my parent's killed all my motivation because they think it's 'wrong' to spend one's own hard earned money on personal pleasures, and they're not gonna let me even if i do make the money.

...what can i say, i guess the only person i can look to for motivation is me...

i wanted to go for a walk, but decided to write something instead to vent my depression...

ah well, let's see...i think im at that point when i think maybe i should play a game to kill time and distract myself and automatically my brain tells me "these games are just linear pieces of code and you know you're gonna get frustrated within a few minutes" same with a movie, i can imagine what the movie will be like before i even start watching it...

one big problem is the fact that none of these things are being done in place of something else I'd rather be doing, e.g - studying....it's always more fun to do things like 'watching a movie' or 'playing a game' just before an exam :) because of the age old saying 'the grass is always greener on the other side' (i know it's a very, very broad perspective but that is what the basic criteria is) if you are supposed to be 'sitting and studying' then 'sitting and watching a movie' seems better...because once you have something, it's not that much fun...it's always better when it's just a little 'illegal' :) the temptation builds up, the fact that you're actually doing the activity seems more fun than the activity itself...

"i wanna do something fun" is the general outcry here...but there are so many damn conditions around that it just seems so far....sigh...

when somebody says "nobody understands me", I'd like to say to them "so, you really think anything is going to change once they do?"

people don't change. only your perceptions of them do.

this night sucks.

it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to
it didn't turn out the way you wanted it, did it?

now you know
this is what it feels like
now you know
this is what it feels like

the wretched - nine inch nails

it so happens that you're sitting and surfing around and you just type out to one of your online friends (or to all of them)

"im so bored!!"

'boredom' is just a facade used by many of us for other emotions, such as loneliness...but any normal man doesn't just whine "im so lonely...." to somebody.... it looks like a cry for attention....well, what else could one want when one is lonely? some attention...

there isn't any way sometimes to be truly honest ever the internet, or otherwise, without sounding pathetic or needy...

some days are just, bad...just bad.

i wish i could just go to gym right now, damn you abs for being closed on sundays....

i suddenly understand the feeling behind the phrases 'part of me died', 'worship', and 'respect', why these phrases have been used in romantic stories, music, and various other expressions...somebody has felt this...

it's a different thing...very different....very powerful. very, very illogical....very beautiful.

it's time to change.

no man, no....not now, not today, not in this moment.

shit.

I'm so depressed....

this would look embarrassing tomorrow...but everything that might embarrass you in the future is the most honest in the present.

wallow wallow wallow wallow.....

swallow. *gulp*

'lemon jelly' makes amazing music :) discovered them about an hour ago and im addicted....

another oscar wilde quote....

that man, was a higher being...

i would even categorize a great friendship as a sort of romance...

why do you want to go through the whole process of getting to know a person so well that you start resenting them and wish you could get some air? e.g:-  marriage, thankfully divorce is an option for people to exercise when they see the light...

you can 'grow old together' even without being married, seriously...

it always happens, the best thing to do is...have a good time...don't worry about the future...enjoy, the moment....the subtle, pleasant memories :) even things as simple as "When we used to sit around and do nothing" and "when i was just so happy to go for accounts classes so that i could meet you man" are, fun memories :) it doesn't always have to be super elaborate and full of noise and extra people...

good things always come in small packages....just, enjoy your package and dispose of the wrapper :)

every time we come across a situation where we're like "oh my god this is horrible this is like the end of the world!! how will i live!!" within a month or less, we've moved on...without even trying too hard....out of sight, out of mind...

of course it is kinda horrible to have to look at your unattainable muse everyday though...but guess what, just 'having' a muse is such a good memory :) maybe the memory won't last forever, but you'll remember the good things anyway till whenever you need to...

the future is never horrible, everything terrible comes to an end...it just keeps happening over and over again!! so it's pretty relieving, and amusing..

the only horrible things that are hard to get over are those that happen to the ones you care about...and it takes a lot of time to decide, who you care about actually...there are usually very few, but when they do get hurt, feel depressed...or are in pain...that's when it hurts the most...

all other pain and depression is a selfish one...which can be gotten over in time, or quicker if we set our minds ot it...but the external (happening to others) type? that's what you have to see them get over to be able to deal with yourself :)

general affection, when received regularly from someone...tends to get taken for granted and looked at with an "ugh, this is so unnecessary!!"

general affection, when not being received, makes the un-receiver want to kill for some of it...

i wish i knew what it felt like to know, that somebody is madly in love with me....

that's one more thing i haven't...erm...'tried' yet...as if it can be tried...experienced...whatever...

bleh...

it so doesn't help knowing that being greedy is all that's depressing me....